think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
