Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
