Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
