if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
