So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
that may or may not have been my penis.
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