she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Randomize
