Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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