Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
