Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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