what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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