first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
