Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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