The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
