But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
