She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
