dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize