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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
