SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
