I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
