Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
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The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
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She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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