I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
