i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
