I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
