i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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