I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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