i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
