I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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