I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
