I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
