a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
