FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
