watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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