Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
