Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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