Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
