it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
