There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
