dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
