Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
