i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
