drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
