My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize