Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
