I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
