the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I wish there were birth control emojis
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
