Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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