So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
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