I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
