I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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