yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
