I'm so fucking centered right now
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
