meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
did i walk over a car last night?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
