I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
pray to the hookup gods
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
