you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
