So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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