We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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