he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
