ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
