He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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