I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
